A Shot In The Dark
by Bookish Delight
Summary: After renouncing Homeworld, and her livelihood along with it, Peridot attempts to cope the only way she knows how: alone. Pearl, however, will have none of it.
Peridot was no stranger to calculations. She actually enjoyed them quite a bit.

However, she was a _lot_ better at them when she was at full, operating capacity.

Her current situation right now, though, was the complete _opposite_ of that. She was on a distant foreign planet, with none of her screens, none of her terminals, none of her equipment, none of the things that made those calculations... well, easy. Bearable.

Fun.

The worst part was knowing that she'd _never_ be at full operating capacity again. And that was, in her book, officially the _opposite_ of fun.

In the twilight of the morning, Peridot stood on a secluded region of Beach City's... beach—seriously, could the half-witted annoyances of this planet have been _any_ more redundant in their naming schemes? The dumb donut shop had been her breaking point—and she paced around a device, checking its various joints and components, and tweaking things where needed.

Oh, and she was also talking to herself.

 _"Distance in light years to Galaxy M, requires angular compensation..."_

She was _not_ talking to herself because she'd gone completely loopy. Nope. It was… just to keep track of variables, of course. They were _myriad_ in a project like this, especially one that had gone on for so many days. She _needed_ a dynamic, adaptive voice to keep track of it all, meaning her trusty recorder wasn't up to the task.

So, she talked to herself. It was logical.

And if she kept telling herself that for long enough, maybe she'd actually _believe_ it.

 _"Density of projectile y requires propulsion force level x in order to achieve flight, sustained flight requires an additional z levels..."_

For the longest time, her device had amounted to little more than several hunks of irregular metal. It took Peridot _days_ to come up with the modified blueprints, and the means to assemble them—the resources were _beyond_ limited on this backwater planet.

But Peridot was _smart._ Not to mention resourceful. And attractive. And capable of so much more than all these useless _clods_ that surrounded her!

So, of course, she had _prevailed_. And, once assembled, she'd dragged the whole device from the barn to the beachfront by _herself._ Even _if_ it was impossibly heavy—if she ever did this again, she'd have to accommodate for raw materials weight.

She'd gone solo because she dared not tell any of the other Crystal Gems about her project, much less ask for help. The _last_ thing Peridot needed was to hear their _flapping mouths_ as they pontificated their _pointless platitudes_ , and, ugh, _feelings_ —and worse, expected her to _listen._

As if she were _one_ of them. As if she _believed_ in their crazy "cause." That definitely would have driven her loony.

Thus, she worked alone: burning, at minimum, seventeen-point-six "midnight oils" as Steven called them. Until, one day, at long last, it was time for the first field test.

 _"...and for drift against spacetime, and_ _ **done**_ _."_

She made one last adjustment, then stepped back. It was ready. After countless hardships, countless personal embarrassments, and _immeasurable_ _pain_ , it was done.

Hopefully?

Well, only one way to find out. She eyed the activation mechanisms.

"All right," she muttered, flipping a switch, "here we go. Gematomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, charging... charging..."

The machine whirred, hummed, then whined. Peridot leaned forward, entered the final calculations, and peered through its scope. She aimed it high. Aimed it at her target.

Sure, said target was galaxies away. She'd accounted for that. By _not caring_. She grinned toothily.

"And now, the final ingredient: glorious, perfect _moi._ "

She placed her palm on the hand-shaped groove built into the device's rear, then, for the first time in awhile, _allowed_ several not-so-pleasant memories of serving under Yellow Diamond to invade her mind.

Her heads-up display turned from green to red as Peridot gritted her teeth, and let her anger bubble over. She let it _take_ over, let the rage _fuel the machine,_ until both she and it were at their limit...

" _Screw with me, will you?_ " she screamed to the heavens. " _Ha!_ From Earth's sandy layer I stab at you with all I've got! _**Fire!**_ "

A gleaming crystal shell ejected from the cannon's barrel, rocketing towards the stratosphere. It moved so fast, Peridot could barely follow it! She grabbed a pair of green ocular trackers from her tool bag, and used them to note the projectile's trajectory and flight speed as it went higher... farther...

...wait, _slower?_

No!

No no no no _nonononono—_

The shell, which had been quickly racing _up_ through the sky, arced downwards, and fell. Eventually, it splashed into a different ocean, with a column of pressurized steam releasing upon impact.

Peridot stood in silence, her jaw agape. Forget making it offworld—the stupid thing had barely made it past the clouds!

Shaking and clenching her fists, Peridot growled—low at first, but rising in volume, until, finally, she exploded.

" _Darn it!_ " she shouted skyward. She jumped in place, and hurled her tracker at the sand with as close to meteoric force as she could muster. True, it was a microscopic fraction, but the effort was what mattered here. "Why'd you hafta go and be such _clods_ without my _permission?_ " she screamed.

With a _clang,_ Peridot slammed her hand into the barrel of her now-failed invention. She stared into the starscape, her eyes narrowed in determination.

"I don't care _how_ perfect you think you are," she fumed. "I don't care if I don't have any of my tech! And I don't care if I'm one against a billion! _I'm bringing you down, Homeworld! All by myself! You hear me?_ "

"I remember screaming those words, too. More than once."

" _Waugh!_ " Peridot jumped approximately one foot in the air, then turned. Ugh. It was _Pearl_. She slapped her forehead with her palm and groaned.

"Well, screaming everything except for the 'clod' part," Pearl added, with a chuckle. "I have _some_ class."

Peridot lifted her face from her hand, and snorted. "Yet another irrelevant notion valued only by _clods_. Why am I not surprised?"

Ignoring Peridot's words, Pearl walked up to the machine, and inspected it as intently as Peridot had. She walked all around it, poking and prodding. She nodded at the placement of some parts, and muttered inquisitive sounds at others. Peridot watched intently as she then picked up the trackers, which were half-buried in the sand, and focused on the horizon.

"That... got pretty far, actually," she said, clearly aiming the trackers at the steam coming up from the projectile's impact.

Peridot huffed with dignity. "Aaaaaaaand now you're patronizing me," she said.

"No, I'm quite serious. I..." Pearl lowered the trackers and put her hand behind her head with a sheepish titter. "...I actually sort of gave up trying to _invent_ long-range weaponry once Garnet learned to just _throw_ things farther than I could engineer them to be fired."

"Heh," Peridot chuckled. "She _is_ pretty nuts with those arms. But—and no offense meant, for _once_ —of _course_ she could outdo your tech. You morons are working with _ancient_ gem science and principles! But, as you've already seen, things have _seriously_ changed since you last fought _real_ gems of any sort." She looked at Pearl with a cat-ate-the-canary sneer. "Yours truly included."

"Oh, I don't know." Pearl said, pulling herself up and matching Peridot's expression. "From where I'm standing, I think it's safe to say we won that fight."

"Yeah?" Peridot rolled her eyes. "Tch. And how long did _I_ take you? Are you planning to convert _every_ gem that comes your way with 'love' and 'compassion' and the 'innocence of life?' _Ha!_ " She crossed her arms and glared out over the ocean. "I wanna see you try that on Jasper."

Pearl shared Peridot's gaze, but not her disdain. She shrugged. "Maybe we will," she said. "Anything's possible, right?"

"Yeah, like me sitting back and _laughing_ as you all—ahhh, forget it."

Pearl pursed her lips at Peridot, but Peridot ignored her. As satisfying as it was to shoot down Pearl's ideas, she needed to focus on the problem in front of her.

Peridot paced along the beach. She kicked a rock in her way. It felt good. "Anyway, what's clearly _not_ possible, right now, is me building any of my trademark gem propulsion cannons with any of the _backwards parts_ this _backwards planet_ has to offer. To say nothing of the _backwards help_ at my disposal." She stuck out her tongue. Mostly at the planet overall, but a little at Pearl, too.

"Nothing a little resourcefulness can't fix, is my motto," Pearl said. "I know most of our equipment well, _exploded,_ but I'm sure there are components from your ships and our weapons all over this island. Maybe even the world." Pearl set her hands on her hips and nodded decisively. "We'll just have to go salvage hunting. It's paid off before. Heck, we used to have cannons. Really good ones."

Peridot stopped pacing. "Yeah, I meant to ask about that." She narrowed her eyes. "Were those the constructs I blew up when Jasper and I first arrived?"

Pearl sighed and nodded. "The same." She used her gemstone to summon a large hologram of reverse-engineered blueprints depicting a flower-shaped artillery weapon. "This is what we tried to use against your and Jasper's ship. It didn't quite work, but..."

Peridot wasn't paying attention to Pearl. Instead, she circled the blueprints, looked at them from every angle, and even stuck her head through them at one point. Her eyes and mouth went wide.

"Y-you... you used... _Rose Quartztech_ on us _?_ " She fell into laughter. "Holy crapcakes! I'm actually both insulted and _honored._ "

Pearl blinked. "Come again?"

"Ugh." Peridot rolled her eyes. "Don't you know _anything?_ Wait, no, no, you don't- stranded for centuries. Right." She faced Pearl, giddy at the opportunity to educate this _ignorant_ gem. "Look, on Homeworld? Back in your day? _Everyone_ had heard of Rose Quartz's cannons and siege tactics! The drive to defend against that stuff was one of the catalysts for our world's rise in war tech!"

Peridot stared up at the projection, awe creeping into her voice. "To think, they're so archaic and obsolete _now_ -but back then, they were _unstoppable_."

"Why, Peridot," Pearl said, bemused. "Might this be actual _respect_ I'm hearing?"

Peridot crossed her arms with a huff. "Only grudgingly." She glanced back at Pearl. "But it's also got me... thinking."

Pearl looked at Peridot's gleaming, green cannon nearby. "I wonder if we're thinking the same thing?"

"Pffft. As if!" Peridot retorted. "I mean... unless you're visualising that we could somehow just... _combine_ the principles of both cannons—"

"A technology that powers both the classic and modern..." Pearl interjected.

Peridot nodded, excited. "Melding efficiency and density, respectively..."

Both gems froze, their eyes and gemstones lighting up in realization. They turned to each other, manic grins on _both_ their faces.

" _ **Amorphous**_ _light!_ " they exclaimed, pointing to each other.

"Light that _adapts_ to situations! Just like us! " Pearl bounced from foot to foot in giddiness. "That would _instantly_ solve the velocity and thrust problems! It would leave as a beam for travel—then become solid on impact!"

"Even if a projectile didn't make it all the way to Homeworld," Peridot continued, giggling, "we'd still be able to snipe anything they send at us out of the sky! _Outta space!_ " Peridot's glee didn't last. Her eyes narrowed and she rubbed her chin. "But is that even _possible?_ The calculations alone..."

Pearl slammed her fist into her palm. "We'll _make_ it possible." She looked out at the stars. "I mean... we've _got_ to, right?"

Peridot shared her gaze. "Yeah," she said, after a minute. "We've got to. Even if they _weren't_ coming for us, even if they were minding their own business..." Peridot paused, and shook her head. "...yeah. No mercy," she finished, softly. "Not anymore."

The beach grew quiet save for the rolling waves.

"Peridot?" Pearl asked in a quiet voice. "How... serious are you about this?"

"Are you _kidding?_ " Peridot said, her grin stretching her features. "This is _science_ we're talking here! I'm as serious as Steven is whenever he talks about pizza—"

"No, I mean about... about everything." Pearl stepped in front of Peridot. "We all saw you tell off Yellow Diamond, but..." She sighed and looked away.

"I remember when Rose decided to turn," Pearl said, solemnly. "And when I decided to join her. And once the magnitude of such a decision, to fight an entire _planet_ and its empire of colonies, really settles in... well."

Pearl sighed.

"It's been _thousands_ of years for me, Peridot," she said. "I've had _time_ to come to grips with the fact that I've given up everything. Including..."

Pearl clenched a fist, then relaxed it. She smiled at Peridot, briefly, but it was… weird. Peridot couldn't reconcile Pearl's watery eyes with her determined brow and grinning lips. It kind of freaked her out.

"Anyway," Pearl continued, looking low, "eventually I said, ' _now it's_ _ **their**_ _turn to surrender. It's been long enough. And I've been sad, and angry, for long enough.'_ "

She looked up, and placed a hand on Peridot's shoulder. "I know they've made you angry, too. It's okay, and it's normal. But what I want to know is: is it something you're prepared to live with? Because you'll have to, now."

"Pfft. As if I'm _anything_ like you or the other Gems," Peridot said, shrugging off Pearl's hand. "The _last_ thing I plan on doing is going soft!" She cocked her head proudly.

Pearl cocked hers in return, and raised an eyebrow.

Peridot frowned and interlaced her fingers, twiddling her thumbs. "But… well. To prevent that, I... well, I need _someone_ to be angry at, don't I?"

"I'd say anger seems seems to be your default state," Pearl said.

"'Cause I'm surrounded by _idiots!_ " Peridot yelled, throwing up her hands. "Moronic, muddy, ruddy, rocks-for-brains _simpletons_ all over the place! But I'm not _allowed_ to _tell_ them how _stupid_ they are anymore! Because it's not ' _nice_.' Because it'll 'hurt your feelings.' Because it'll just be me 'whining about my problems again,' and you're the only intelligent beings nice enough to—" Peridot snapped her mouth shut and turned away.

"Peridot…?" Pearl said.

"Look," Peridot said, with a huff. "I _can't_ hate you guys anymore. Believe me, I keep trying, but it doesn't stick. And I _clearly_ don't hate this stupid planet—I gave up my whole... _everything_ for it! So... Homeworld's the only one I _can_ hate." Her mouth twisted. "But... but..."

A sadness pierced Peridot's heart. It was a sadness that she'd been holding back for days—and especially during all those lonely working nights. It was a sadness that made her toes tingle and her eyes burn. It was a sadness that made it feel like her whole gem was cracking at once, but, somehow, she was still whole. It was a sadness she could no longer contain.

She deflated.

"...I miss it already."

Peridot sat on the sand, hugging her knees. "Aaaaaand, _there_ it is. I've lost it. Took a lot less time than I thought it would. I..." She looked up, willing her voice not to crack, and only partially succeeding. "...I wanna go _home,_ Pearl. I mean, to a home that _won't_ shoot me on sight. How much of a clod-brain does that make _me?_ "

Pearl sat down beside Peridot, both of them looking out to the sea's horizon. "No more than me. And it's not being a 'clod-brain', it's… it's just how it is for gems like us. It has been for centuries."

Peridot turned her head to squint at Pearl. "Even though you fight it?" she asked.

Pearl nodded. "The irony is thick and layered, Peridot. And there's not a thing we can do about it."

An uncontrollable shiver ran through Peridot's body. She hugged herself tighter.

 _Nothing we can do about it_ , Peridot thought _._

She briefly considered throwing herself on the mercy of Yellow Diamond, whenever she inevitably arrived. Even with what she knew she'd done, there was no reasoning, no _cause_ in the universe, worth going through what Pearl was saying.

Every circumstance had a compromise. Every problem had a solution. They _had_ to. And it was Peridot's job, her _reason for living_ , to find those solutions, because otherwise, what was the point of even—

"Peridot?" Pearl said.

Peridot jolted from her pity party. "W-what?"

"I know what you're thinking."

Peridot grunted. "Could you stop saying that?"

"No, because I really do." Pearl smiled a little. "I've _been_ here, Peridot. I used to think the exact same things, too, when I realized just how _alone_ we were in this war. How much I wanted to try to find some way to make it all just... go away."

Pearl looked up, as if she could see her own gem, and was quiet.

When she finally spoke, she said, "And if I were _truly_ alone... I very well might have."

Pearl reached for Peridot's hand. Peridot tensed at the contact, but didn't stop her. Soon, her hand was in Pearl's hand, and Pearl gazed determinedly into her eyes.

"But I _wasn't_ one against a billion. And neither are you," Pearl said, firmly. "You never were. You and I have _always_ had the Crystal Gems—and we, as Crystal Gems, are all we've ever had. So we make it _count._ "

Pearl shifted so she sat in front of Peridot. The waves from the ocean crashed behind her.

"Moments like this—terrible, _wonderful_ moments like this—tend to be a little easier to bear when you have someone to share them with," Pearl said.

She let go of Peridot's hand. "But... only if _you_ want to try. No gem is forced, here." Pearl shook her head. "Forcing is what Homeworld does."

Pearl closed her eyes and held out her hand, waiting.

Peridot peered at her. It'd be so easy to blow her off, as usual. Get up and walk away right now. Maybe even kick some sand in her face. That'd be _great_. She wouldn't even see it coming.

But as Peridot considered the possibilities, she realized: she'd been exercising those same possibilities, ad nauseum, since she'd crash-landed on this rock. Yet the Crystal Gems' responses never changed. Never stopped being predictable.

What was that old axiom about insanity? Who was the _really_ insane gem, here?

She knew what would happen, regardless. Even if Peridot walked away now, Pearl would simply shrug things off, wait, and try this talk again. Or it'd be Garnet. Or Amethyst. Or, Diamond forbid, Ste—

 _Screw it,_ Peridot thought. _At this point,_ _ **anything's**_ _worth trying once._

Peridot made a face, and, with what looked like a _massive_ effort, she lifted her arms. Feeling like she was hauling her cannon all over again, she leaned forward, _inched_ forward, until, finally, she wrapped her arms around Pearl.

She heard Pearl sigh above her, just before embracing Peridot back.

It... wasn't the _worst_ thing in the universe.

And Pearl didn't pull any sort of double-cross during it, either. No picking her up, no loading her into the cannon, no shoving her over and laughing at her (an option Peridot had absolutely considered herself). Peridot found herself strangely relieved at the notion—to say nothing of strangely warm.

Only when Peridot realized that she'd lost track of how long she'd been in Pearl's arms did she yank back. When she did, her eyes briefly met Pearl's, and she saw...

"Ugh," Peridot said, looking away. "Why are you even _doing_ this? You, especially, have _no_ good reason to put up with me after all I've—"

Pearl stopped Peridot with a finger to her lips, and turned her face back.

"Because as you've seen over the past weeks—and as I've seen over centuries—time makes for very good sandpaper," Pearl replied. "The two of us are going to be around each other for a very long time. So we can keep being at odds..."

Pearl met Peridot's eyes again.

"...or we can make the most of it. And trust me, this war becomes _slightly_ easier with the latter option."

After a long silence, Peridot sighed. She was tired. Tired of a lot of things, actually. Things that had been weighing on her heart and refused to stop doing so, no matter how hard she tried to forget them.

Maybe Pearl knew about them, too. "Hey, Pearl?" she said.

"Yes, Peridot?" Pearl replied.

With lidded eyes and a subdued voice, Peridot asked, "...the part where I'm pretty sure I want to just keep crying and never stop. Does time get rid of that, too?"

Pearl shook her head. "I'm afraid not," she said. " _But._ Time will make that easier. You learn to live with the sadness." She summoned a blue wrench from her gemstone, and placed it in Peridot's hands. "You learn to channel it, and use it, in hopes that you can make sure no one else will feel the sadness you do."

Peridot took the wrench, inspected it, placed it on the sand, then nodded. She stood up and stared intently back at the cannon on the beach. Pearl's gaze followed suit.

"An amorphous light device could be _quite_ the project," Pearl continued. "One to dwarf the drill, even. It'd also mean a lot of long nights. Just you and me—mainly because the others wouldn't be interested."

"Ugh. Weeks of nights alone with _you?_ " Peridot scoffed, with a sideways grin. "I'm almost tempted to take my chances with Yellow Diamond again."

Pearl chuckled. "Would she really be better company than me?" she asked.

Peridot fetched a green screwdriver from her tool bag, looked it over... then placed it on the sand as well, crossing it over Pearl's wrench.

"Nah," Peridot said. "You're smarter than she ever was."

And as the sun rose, Pearl and Peridot shared their first real smile.


End file.
